and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
