Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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