seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize