I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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