he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
