and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
