I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
