Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
