But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
