i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize