You're a womanizer and a bitch.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Randomize
