we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
