She went from zero to smokin in five shots
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
