I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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