Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
