hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
