A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
The air taste purple.
Randomize
