I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
