You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Randomize
