I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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