Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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