If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
