I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
