I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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