i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
