can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
