i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
