i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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