so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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