Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
