Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
