I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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