Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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