My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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