Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
