So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
