Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
