Someone shit on the floor
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
