i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
