I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
