It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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