Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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