Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
