Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
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There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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