i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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