I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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