Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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