I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
