Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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