I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
