These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
BRING THE BAGELS
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
