She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
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Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
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If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize