so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
