I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
