Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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