i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
