Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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