I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
