The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
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he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
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You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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