A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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