Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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