So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
