So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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