we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
