so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You dont lie about slip and slides
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
