i barfeds in our rink
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
