woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
