Banned from zoo.
Again?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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