Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
