At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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