Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
we're so committed to being not committed
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