hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
