Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
