so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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