These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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