oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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