a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Randomize
