Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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