maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
