we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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