I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
