Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
