You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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