I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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