No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
