somebody snuck up and got me drunk
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
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let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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