don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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