when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
