hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
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I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
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There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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