can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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