My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
