I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
