you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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